Things that hurt.

I'm broken. He broke me. And I don't... know how. Or why. I mean...

I know I fell in love with him like I didn't fell for... any of them.
Because he's just... everything. He's stmarter. And meaner. And sicker.
And honest about... most of it. So that's more. He's more.
He's also the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

He's not right for me. So I'm not right for him.
And that's clear. That's loud and clear and doesn't make me love him any less.

I won't forgive him. It's not forgivable.
He'd never ask for it, no, but that's besides the case.
I won't forgive him and that doesn't make me love him any less either.

But it all keeps me on my feet. I'm on my feet.
And I'm trying. I breath. I do. I smiled today.
I'm standing, but I'm broken.

I smiled today and it was sick.
I recognize the feelings, the urges, but
I'm so much braver now. And I'll allow it, if I can have it.

I wonder when I got translucid. I'm transparent.
It's... all so painfully obvious. See-though.
But I'm... honest. And I'm at peace with myself.

So I'm standing, and I'm broken. And I'm at peace with myself,
because I'm not cheating myself. And I trust me.
Even if he doesn't. Even if she doesn't.

I'm lonely. And I hope I get to tell him that I love him, even though it won't change a thing.
I want the chance to say it. And I don't know if I'll get it, of if I'll take it.
And I hate seing the paralels. I hate that he's doing the same thing, puting me in the same place.
I hate him for not being able to take me. For not wanting to take me.
And he will always be my first Dom.
And I wish he were different. And...

And I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him.

have you seen the little piggies -not-

It's weird, but I feel like I hardly know her anymore.

I don't know her expressions, I don't recognize her people.

It's sad. Real sad.

And then there's the new friends.

New, awesome, smart, funny, perfect, in love with a friend of mine new friends.

How swell. (easy there, honey bun, off limits)

And then there's the slightly less new friends

who seem amazing. And who apparently likes to keep me waiting.

And mixed signals. And I'm so fucking horrible at this.

And then there's the always wonderful him.

Doing the same old things. Wonderful and not so much.

And then there's the nausea. And the shivering. And the soared body.

And the mass media-created panic.

And then there's the longings. And how much I fucking hate him.

girl has a thing for artists.

A former anarchist I just had to have, and got to trust me.

A soul musician who was the smartest and sweetest and.

An art lover who turned into the most amazing of men.

A simple guy with a lot more to him than what meet the eye.

An unbelievably talented artist who became my best friend.

A charming performer who dazzled me with his words.

I know how to choose my man.

"The guy who gave me my first kiss and haven't seen since and now has a band with my ex"

"My dad's girlfriend's daughter's ex boyfriend"

I knew how to choose my man.

The little rich bitch's school former leader of the student council.

It would certainly make a nice addition.

Uhm, that guy. I bet that would be fun.

And then there's her..

misc

i don't think there could be a more man-like side without a girl to do the counterpart
so it's really all her fault, with her pretty face and her pretty walk and all.

only that man-like side got independent from her pretty self, now i'm boyish with my boy-friend
(not boyfriend, just boy who's a friend, asdsasda). it's fun thou. and on that subject, good.
keep it under control and you'll have yourself a great stress-releaser.

and i'm back at fourteen year old, daydreaming and all. only i'm not as stupid as i was.
part of the whole time machine thing. fun and harmless. and he really is so talented. mmmh hm.

...and when i'm lonely, cherry's there, and she plays along while i sing out my blues
i could be crying and you don't care, you won't call me back you're stubborn as a mule...

just something about mary

you know those girls who are just so fucking cute you just can't say no to them?
i mean, you know nothing good is going to get out of that, but she's looking at you with those eyes and we just fall for it, like the suckers we are.
it's like in this movie, this girls is being stalked by about 5 different guys.
and everyone who meets her falls in love with her.
we all know a mary. fuck, i know i do. you just know she's going to let you down again, but you see her waiting there for you and all you can think about is god she's beautiful.
it's funny cause we see that and they seem so.. flawless.
but they all have big self esteem issues and in the end are just a complete mess.
but don't be fooled... once you see the mess at it's worst.. they get vulnerable.
and broken. and i looove a fucked up girl.

and worst of all, you never call me when you say you will! but i love you still i need you! more than anyone darling, you know that i have from the start.. so fill me up! come on hon, don't break my heart...

all in all, she does has a point.
i do have various things to enjoy and happy and blah blah
he is being quite a good boy tonight
still, i can't deal with, you know, he having any kind of a life
which makes me preety much an evil cancer.
and i .. hell it doesn't even ocurrs me to actually enjoy any of them.
there's just no perspective. no horizon
there's just a big empty hole in front of me
have i brought it on to myself? i really, really don't think so.
is not like i.. fucking asked for it so badly i finally got all the misery so i can complain happyly.

SHEET it's really good i don't have a gun.

we see everyone else's sheet so clearly.

cold.

i do not understand why they act oh so surprised.
i did warned them. guess never listening to anything i say has it's price.
or maybe they just didn't take me seriously.
i had to be exagerating. thought it was all part of an image.
oh but if she's just so sweet. and passive, ah?

well there you have it.
of course i'm like this. i'm always like this.
they just really didn't saw it comming did they?
it's funny how even in my loose-loose situation, i'm not hurted.
and i am hurting. almost unintencionally.

it's just too much fun.

happy spring day

i knew already i wasn't the stablest of people
but two break-up's in less than 24 hours is a little too much, even for me.
happy spring day

so i left the boy (i kida liked, but..) for the girl (i spent all week wanting to kill her,
but still i did that, please explain)
the boy wanted out anyway, wich ¿what? fucking men are such cowards.
hurted my ego, but hell i bet i hurted his too.
so we're cool with that, you know, it was a good break up.

so i take a cab to my girl's house cause i don't wanna fight via internet, but i didn't really thought..
and she dumped me, cause she wants a friend, not a girlfriend.. which she's not getting anyway.
and it hurted like hell. that wasn't a good break-up.
it was the crying-hurting-don't-know-what-to-say kind of break-up.

so, basicly, i lost my boy to have fun with, my girl i fucking have feelings for, and my best friend,
all in less than 24 hours.
happy spring day.

still i ended up spending it with the person who loves me the most. and i love the most.
which was actually great. he was great. left me cry, sleep, made me coffee and toasted bread.
and i'm fine. i would be better with the girlfriend i want, but i'm just fine.
i still want things, amazing. i'm where i was some time ago, but whitout being in love whit my ex.
and i'll get by whit a little help from my friends, oh
i'll get high with a little help from my friends.

happy spring day.

just the way you are.

Here comes a sign in the form of a girl
She's the finest, sweetest thing in the world
Oh, take you to Heaven tonight

I feel the horses coming galloping
In the summer ends
Take you to Heaven tonight
Oh, cause I love you
For what you are

I'll gallop to you
Tonight, tonight we'll ride
I'll give it to you
We'll go to Heaven tonight
Tonight

Out on the winding road I couldn't wait
Oh baby I was afraid heading for Heaven tonight
I'll go to Heaven tonight
I feel the horses coming galloping
I will never grow old, I'll go to Heaven tonight

Because I love you
For what you are

I'll gallop to you
Tonight, tonight we'll ride
I'll bow down to you
We'll go to Heaven tonight
Tonight

I can't believe that I could be happy
Summer will come again, I could be happy
Oh, stop your crying, you could be happy
Go to Heaven when you make me happy

Here comes a kiss that I never had
Nothing feels like this, headed for Heaven tonight
I love you
Here comes a storm in the form of a girl
She's the finest, sweetest thing in the world
Oh, I'll go to Heaven tonight
For what you are

I'll gallop to you
Tonight, tonight we'll ride
I'll bow down to you
We'll go to Heaven tonight

ईर्ष्या , कि मैं मेरी बातें
मेरे दो कुत्ते , मेरे पेट
वह पसंद के लोगों , मेरे पास सेक्स
क्या हम नहीं जानते मुद्रा यह है कि बिना विचार के माध्यम से यह सब आपको एक चुंबन .
सूची की शर्तों होना चाहिए कि किसी को चाहते हैं .
और ही बात है कि मैं शिश्न की कमी है , जा
और मैं प्रेम में पूछने के लिए एक व्यक्ति के रूप में आपके साथ है और मैं नहीं शोर नहीं है .
ये इतनी सुंदर है . SOS इतनी सुंदर है .
मैं नहीं जानता कि यदि मैं आप screwed प्रेम या पूजा
मेरा मन ही है कि हर बार देखने पर आपको बढऩे है . या आपको लगता है .
और मैं गले लगाती हैं और मुझे नृत्य और मैं आप देखते हैं , मैंने देखा कि मेरे मुंह से आप देखें
लेकिन मुझे नहीं लगता कि आप भी नहीं हो सकता .
और बर्दाश्त नहीं देख अन्य लोगों के साथ
मैं उम्मीद करता हूँ कि मैं तेरे हाथ से बाहर नहीं जा
लेकिन यह है कि SOS .. इतनी सुंदर है .

troubles.

well the night went horribly wrong, i wanna kill him and he does too.
still we end up at home being "good" to each other, what a hell..
but i'm not thinking bout the boy asleep in my bed, oh no.
i.. feel. my heart's bitting so hard. and i feel.
when look at, when i think of, when i touch..
and it's not good. it's not a possibility.
i keep dreaming off.. i don't know how long i can deny it.
and it is not good.

because youu're gourgeooous

(no se me ocurre nada mas para el titulo)
creo que lo mas importante es poder seguir caminando.
no veo nada de malo en reconocer que estoy a una cuadra,
ni en mirar hacia alli un momento.
pero el hecho de poder seguir caminando, sin dudarlo siquiera
me parece importante. little steps can take you a long way.

y realmente no veo nada de malo en estar en remera si hace 30 grados a la sombra.
que me miren, que me digan yegua, a mi que?
no voy a pedir perdon por tener tetas, o calor.
y que intenten caminar de otra forma con tacos, pf.

si, es un bajon. realmente queria que funcionara,
y sabes que hubiera puesto todas las fichas para que saliera bien.
pero es como dijiste, la bardeaste cuando me estabas empezando a conocer.
y ya te di suficientes oportunidades que no aprovechaste. bad luck.
aun asi.. es realmente una lastima, porque no suelo encontrar gente que me interese,
y mucho menos que me motive.
y porque hay cosas que me hubiera encantado compartir contigo.

honestamente, no hay nadie con quien preferiria estar encerrada en un baño en una fiesta taza.
y espero que realmente vayamos a brighton.
no se me ocurre nada mas divertido en el mundo.
ana se refirio a vos como "mi chica", y yo me puse muy incomoda
y solo antine a decir "eeheh no es mi chica.. "
no podia explicar que sos mi pareja falsa sin sexo. damn closet.